Sheila Maxey is finding confidence without being a couple

My daughter Mary, while missing her father very much, confessed to me that she had been unprepared for the sadness she also felt at the loss of the unit called ‘Mum and Dad’. I realise that I still often think in terms of that unit. I still find myself talking about ‘us’ and ‘our’ with reference to the present. I had to stop myself signing Christmas cards ‘Kees and Sheila’. I have been formed by 60 years of a relationship where we complemented our strengths and weaknesses and our very different personalities and now I find my weaknesses, especially, exposed and raw.

Kees was the handyman – the one who mended things. I have a kind youngish neighbour who seems to really enjoy doing all those things for me. He even suggests jobs I have not noticed need doing. Kees was also the finance man and I have just had to get on top of that myself. But it is the personal qualities which are so irreplaceable.

Kees’ cheerfulness and positivity made up for my tendency to sadness and negativity. My lack of self-confidence was covered by his absolute belief that I could do anything I wanted to do. He drip-fed me with his positivity and confidence through the years and so now, at this stage of my pilgrim way, I have to try to make my way without that…

Sheila Maxey is a member of Ingatestone United Reformed Church, Essex

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This is an extract from an article published in the February 2024 edition of Reform

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