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Reform Magazine | May 16, 2021

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Commitment-Phobe: Back to church part 2

Commitment-Phobe: Back to church part 2

My first Sunday back in church

The great church reopen was my psychological Easter rollercoaster ride. I was not looking forward to returning to in-person services. I was scared of losing the intimacy and connection we had found as a family with Sunday worship at home. My husband was very reluctant to return for social and safety reasons.

Then a WhatsApp message shifted me into a totally different space. One of our worship leaders asked who wanted to meet to rehearse and record a couple of hymns for Easter (socially distanced, of course). The idea was to create something special after the many months of worship leaders sending selfies of themselves singing songs from home. I immediately said: ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ There was silence from everyone else. Having said yes, the group received a message from the Vicar, saying that, in line with the guidelines, the church would now be open for services from Palm Sunday. Could we arrange a team for this? And for doing four to five services over the Easter weekend? This would allow as many people as possible to book and attend while keeping social distance. So now I was going to be singing. In person! In a week’s time! And only me and the worship leader were available for Easter Sunday! And no one else had volunteered for Good Friday! Anxiety kicked in.

On Palm Sunday, I was nervous. I had the energy of someone who wanted to get in and out. I barely said hello to those who were there, focusing instead on switching on mics and getting stands set up. We practised the songs, we prayed before the service, we sang while the congregation stood in silence, and then we packed up and went home. I missed my family during the service. I wasn’t sure the streamed service would work from home where most people were…

Commitment-Phobe is a Christian

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This is an extract from an article published in the May 2021 edition of Reform

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