Commitment-Phobe: Receiving generosity
Can I receive generosity?
I wonder how Mary and Joseph felt as people turned up to honour their child with praise and with luxurious and expensive gifts. Were they overwhelmed by how vital their child was to others? Did they graciously accept the gifts? Were they puzzled about what to do with them? No doubt their cash value came in handy when they needed to flee to Egypt to start a new life there until it was safe to return. How do you feel about receiving generosity? Do you feel you need to return it right away?
This Christmas will be our first as a family living with a newly diagnosed chronic illness. In September, our lives turned on a sixpence and since then we have gone from being parents to being carers as well. The job of carer brings with it the need to quickly acquire a whole lot of medical knowledge and a whole lot of psychological pressure. Unsurprisingly, we have felt the strain and we have asked for help from friends, family and our church.
Going from serving at church to needing to be served is a new challenge. I knew I found it hard to ask for help; I had no idea how hard I found it to accept help. Every time someone offers me help – mainly in the form of time – I am overwhelmed by it. The tears kick in and I am at a loss for what to do with all the feelings. What is this constant tearing up when someone is kind, as if kindness is the worst possible thing that could happen?
In this season, my husband and I have many times found ourselves at a loss as to why our lives have changed and how we can find the capacity to endure. We are on a weekly, and sometimes daily, process of being humbled and seeking God’s help to endure our marathon. And every time we do he sets someone on our path…
Commitment-Phobe is a Christian
This is an extract from an article published in the December 2021/January 2022 edition of Reform